even now, with everything i know about memory—how easily it can be manipulated, how the act of recollection changes the memory itself—there is still a part of me that feels betrayed by my childhood self. and i wonder if the reason that i have no memories of my early years is because i had to erase them in order to participate in the lie of my parentage. i helped to deceive myself.
/consider: a word problem
if x = 3 (my mother married my stepfather) and y = 6 or 7 (my earliest memories), calculate the distance from one truth to another.
there were two trains. they were going at what speed?
/consider: the self as a city
i razed it and rebuilt.
no tracks and no disputed ground.
/consider: the present tense
how do i trust myself?
how do i forgive?
'an indeterminate or undefined place or state.'