tree: four fingers on a naked back ([else] if i tell the truth)
([personal profile] tree Jul. 24th, 2017 11:53 am)
this was originally written and posted privately on the 20th of april last year. i'd forgotten about it, actually. there was a hashtag on twitter #wheniwas filled with personal experiences of childhood sexual harassment and assault. there was an article about it, too. and it brought up some stuff. well, doesn't everything?

a breakable takeable body )
tree: cropped shot of scully's mouth, chin and nose in the top right corner ([xf] i'll just be waiting here)
([personal profile] tree Jul. 22nd, 2017 10:25 pm)
even now, with everything i know about memory—how easily it can be manipulated, how the act of recollection changes the memory itself—there is still a part of me that feels betrayed by my childhood self. and i wonder if the reason that i have no memories of my early years is because i had to erase them in order to participate in the lie of my parentage. i helped to deceive myself.

/consider: a word problem

if x = 3 (my mother married my stepfather) and y = 6 or 7 (my earliest memories), calculate the distance from one truth to another.
there were two trains. they were going at what speed?

/consider: the self as a city

i razed it and rebuilt.
no tracks and no disputed ground.

/consider: the present tense

how do i trust myself?
how do i forgive?
'an indeterminate or undefined place or state.'
.

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